Being Known

I almost didn't go. Jamie looked at me and said, "You don't have to go. It's okay. You've got the perfect excuse." Post-chemo day 8, my toughest. "No, I need to go," I replied. "At this point it wouldn't be good to cancel." This would be fun, anyway. We're all friends, after all. We loaded into the van, drove an hour to the meeting place. The kids ran to join their friends and the adults talked.

During the course of conversation, something changed, and I missed it. As we drove home I thought, "Wait, what just happened?" I felt confused and hurt. I thought a budding friendship had great potential but now I wasn't so sure. Texting the next morning to discuss the problem didn't help. I wrote in my prayer journal, but not about that, and went outside to join my family in the morning sun.

I did not realize what happened next until the day was over.

A friend I haven't heard from in a long time called and talked.

The farrier came over soon after. Abruptly he looked at me. "You know most all of us believe in a higher power?" I nodded. "Well", he said, "I think you're going be okay. I don't know why, I just feel it. You're going to be okay."

Then more long time friends called. While on the phone with them a friend stopped by for a chat.

More friends called. More friends stopped by. Finally, at the end of the day friends drove up to our house. "Five meals, one for each day of the next week." Out came gourmet food, filling my refrigerator. They even stopped by the grocery store to pick up produce for us! I was so surprised I'm sure I sounded unintelligent as I tried to thank them.

"I have not had a day like that since we were in Malawi--so many visitors and callers in one day!" I thought as I entered our house for the evening.

Exhausted, I put the children to bed. As I crawled under my covers, I sat up.

"Wait! What just happened?!"

Wonder filled me as I realized that God noticed that I hurt from my friend. He saw it, and knowing that I don't always catch things quickly, He sent so many friends in one day that I had to recognize that it was Him. He was that close to me. He sees and He cares! I was kind of blown over at the thought. Of course, I know this in my brain, but Sunday, I experienced it in real time!

There are so many prayers that I ask God to answer. He answered a prayer I didn't even know how to pray, just to let me know that He is aware of me. I am not forgotten. He sees and knows. Has He answered all of my requests? Not to my knowledge. But once I realize how close He is, it suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Once I really know that He is paying attention to my life, to me, I can trust Him more. I'm no longer alone. I'm not fighting a one-woman battle.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and You know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    You perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    You are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    You, Lord, know it completely. Psalm 139:1-4

That is intimate knowing! God knows you, He is very close to you, and He knows the deep desires of your heart. You are not alone! Turn to Him. He longs to comfort you today.