True Beauty

 “That wasn’t a Bible study you led…it was an Ellen White Study.”  Intrigued by the blunt honesty of a cute stranger, I said what anybody in their right mind would have said.  “Why don’t you tell me more about that?”

“You said we were going to study the Bible, and we just read quotes from Ellen White.”  Her brow furrowed veiling her earnest brown eyes.

She was new on campus and those sweet Southern brown eyes sparkled with intelligence, and burned with fire.  What kept her on my mind was that she was more concerned about finding truth, than what I thought about her.   She was cute for sure, but lots of girls were cute.  Actually most girls seemed consumed with it, and little else.  I was looking for something different, and I couldn’t get her off my mind! 

That first conversation burgeoned into many more, and it wasn’t long before we found ourselves talking just about everywhere – walking on the track, sitting in a tree, by the river, in empty music rooms.  She was just so easy to talk to!!  We shared a love of the outdoors, camping, God, traditional family values, and service.  I can still feel the nostalgia of those balmy Berrien walks.

I was quite taken with this Southern Belle.  She had this beautiful rich brown hair with auburn highlights.  It dazzled so bright in the sun that you could look at nothing else.  At least I couldn’t.  It was thick and wavy, and she hid behind it like a buried treasure.  She smiled easily with a guarded sparkle in her pretty eyes, daring only the bravest man to try and get close.  It just so happened, that there was a long line of them.  I felt pity for them, even though I wasn’t much better off….yet.

Then the perfect opportunity presented itself – she didn’t have a car, but wanted to surprise her mom for her birthday.  Yee-Haw!!  Listen all you young men who are trying to convince a young lady that she wants to spend her life with you – if you have a chance to drive 10 hours one way to surprise her mother for her birthday, DO IT!!!! 

Whew!!  After that I was in…well…at least with her mom.  It only took three more years to get in with her.

Then the day came that I had been longing for – February 3, 2002.  We assembled, she looked so beautiful all pure and white – it only took an hour, and that beautiful treasure called Shallena Russell became my wife.

I was so excited, I thought I was done!  That is because I was stupid.  Now that’s a word my parents taught me not to use, but I don’t know what other word I could put there.  Not intentionally stupid of course (which only happens to a few special people), but unintentionally stupid (which happens to just about all young men when they are first married – bless you if you don’t know what I am talking about).  I cringe as I consider the arrogance of my youth.  I knew nothing about love.  Now, 19 years later, I may have learned 1/8 of an inch about the love mile, but then I thought I knew the whole thing.  She stuck with me, believed in me, honestly confronted me, and always supported me. 

We moved through the stages of life – Medical School, Residency, babies, a post at a mission hospital in Malawi, and what looked like the dreams of life coming true.  Then came the rude awakening – an unexpected diagnosis of breast cancer. 

Fortunately, the treatment seemed pretty simple and straightforward, and on the surgeon’s good word, we believed a surgery that removed her breasts would solve the problem once and for all.

Unfortunately, it did not.  A recurrence caught us off guard one week after our third baby was born, and within a few days we received the diagnosis – stage IV cancer.

Well, that was almost five years ago now.  I can’t explain to you what four and a half years of metastatic cancer treatment involves.  For the majority of the time she has been on chemotherapy.  Her hair has fallen out three times, her nails have been eroded, her skin has suffered, and she has perennial bruises on her body.  A port-o-cath sits on her upper left chest, and on bad days you can see the sleepless nights, nausea, diarrhea, pain, and fatigue written all around those beautiful brown eyes.

She doesn’t think she is beautiful anymore.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Shallena is more beautiful today than she has ever been.  Cancer and its treatment – tempered by the grace of God - have only made her beauty shine brighter.  The beauty of dedication to her family to the point of self-sacrifice.  The beauty of living generously.  The beauty of looking death square in the face and choosing faith.  The beauty of guarding hope in the middle of despair.  The beauty of gratitude when it could be so easy to complain.  The beauty of loving Jesus more and more each day.  The beauty of forgiveness freely given. 

We still love talking together, and we continue to share our love of the outdoors, camping, God, traditional family values, and service.  We treasure each day, and on this, her 44^th birthday, I am so grateful to God for sharing with me this True Beauty.  I love you, Shallena.  You are so beautiful.