Trouble

I suppose you could call me a late bloomer, but I am just realizing, now that I have reached mid-life crisis zone, that I have spent most of my life trying to avoid trouble.

If fact, I don’t think it’s just me – I think most of us spend considerable time and money to avoid trouble.  Sometimes it would seem that with all of our modern conveniences that we live behind an impenetrable fortress where trouble cannot find us.  But it does.  Despite advances in science and technology, the testimony of scripture has not changed – “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.” Romans 8:22.  And as Jesus said – “…In this world you will have trouble...” John 16:33

So, then I have to ask the question – why do I spend so much time trying to avoid it?  And why am I so unprepared for it when it comes?

As I think about this, I have come to one answer – my Christianity is tainted.  Now, I would not blame this deficit on any deficiency of the Bible, or even my church, but rather the contamination of my own faith with popular materialism.  Materialism says there is no god, and no afterlife, and so the meaning in life is in living a secure, long, pleasure-filled, easy, trouble-free life.  As a worldly Christian, I reject atheism and embrace the concept of heaven, but I also love the idea of a long, secure, pleasure-filled, easy, trouble-free life.    

Now, you could say that is all well and fine, and as it should be…but is it?  Who am I really following?  Did Jesus do any of that?  His life was not long, He had no home, He did not seek His own pleasure – it wasn’t easy, and He had all kinds of trouble.  So why am I consumed with trying to avoid it?

Rather than trying to sidestep trouble, Jesus embraced it as a medium to glorify God.  In John 12:27, in referring to His ignominious death He says, “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No. It was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father glorify your name!”

In September 2021, my wife Shallena – my best friend and love of my life – had a stroke.  She has been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer for over five years, and this brain bleed - resulting from enlarging brain tumors - was the most recent complication.  As I have struggled with the consequences of this stroke for her, for our family, and for her role in our family,  I feel the words of Jesus – “Now my soul is troubled.” But the difference is that unlike Jesus, I want to just give this trouble back.  “Lord, just take it away”,  “Please heal Shallena”, or in the faithful, daily prayer of my firstborn for the last five years, “…please help Mommy to get well.”  Like Paul, I have found myself pleading (far more than three times), for the Lord to take this thorn from us (2 Corinthians 12:8).  I still hope that happens.  I still pray for it, and I still say thank you to all those others who with love and faith bring our family before the Lord in prayer.  But so far, that has not happened.

When will my Christianity allow me to say, “No. Father glorify your name”?  Our cancer journey has been marked by our struggle to be free from cancer.  Shallena has had surgeries, radiation, five lines of chemotherapy, multiple biopsies and procedures.  We have prayed, we have fasted, we have had  anointing services,  we have eaten only vegetables, drank vegetable juice, paid thousands of dollars to naturapaths and lifestyle clinics, eaten cottage cheese and flax seed oil for weeks on end, and a whole lot more...  And while Shallena has done well – and looked well – unfortunately, the cancer has not gone away.  Furthermore, we have watched as many other travelling companions with cancer – dear faithful Christian friends - have been laid to rest in Jesus.  We lose a part of us with each one that dies.  When should our struggle to be cancer free acquiesce into a desire to glorify God? 

I know some will say, “God has not caused these troubles, and He is not glorified by them.”  I have to agree that God has not caused this.  He is the Author of life, how could He cause something as deranged as cancer?  But I would disagree that He cannot be glorified in them.  Going back to the example of Jesus – He was the only perfect human to walk the earth, but the persecution, injustice, and evil execution that he suffered – all at the hands of base man and demons – was the ultimate glorification of God. 

So, where am I going with all of this – one thought: maybe all of our troubles are a call to seek the glory of God?  In my materialistic self-centeredness, I want to get rid of these troubles.  Maybe this isn’t about us?  Maybe these troubles that are promised in this world should not be seen as resented enemies and foes, but a medium?  Maybe they are an opportunity that combined with simple daily trust in God’s goodness – can be a blessing to the world, and glorify Him?  Maybe they are the canvas upon which God is able to write, “My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:10. 

Well, thank you for being my therapy session again, as I work through this grief.  I’m not sure that all of these thoughts are right or make sense, but I know this paradigm gives each day meaning for us in our situation.  Rather than an omnipresent feeling of “losing”, it gives me one simple question for each day – “How can this day (and these troubles) glorify God?”