The Love of My Life

“You call it a Bible study, but it’s not a Bible study.  It’s an Ellen White Study.”  I looked for a moment into the intelligent and fiery eyes of this mysterious and opinionated young lady, and pondered for a moment. 

“She’s cute!” I thought to myself. 

Hardly the romantic start of a never-ending fairy tale, but oh-so truly the start of our love affair.  The strange new girl on campus was no other than Shallena Russell, and she was working her way up my list.  We met at a Bible Study – well, actually an Ellen White study – that I was leading.  Despite fundamentally different perspectives on the nature of the exercise, we met on the level of the discussion – we both cared deeply about spiritual things.  She had come to Andrews University looking for spiritual community.  I was knee deep in a Biology degree looking for a soul mate who could help me figure out why I was doing a Biology Degree, and just about everything else in life.

I didn’t have a lot of time to lose – Shallena was hotly pursued.  As I valued her independent thought, listening ear, and raw honesty, others were also noticing.  We went for long walks, climbed trees, talked by the moonlight, and sledded down sand dunes.  Those others were becoming less relevant.  I was walking on air, she was still not entirely convinced. 

What exactly it was that convinced me is not clear even today.  Whether it was her blunt honesty in the face of doubt and perplexity, her staunch commitment to family, her love of the natural world, or her search for an authentic walk with Jesus – it didn’t take long before I knew I wanted to be in the inner circle with this Georgia Peach!

Then one sunny summer Sabbath day, I finally managed to ask her to marry me, and she finally managed to say yes.  It’s always taken us longer than other people, but once we get rolling, we usually get it done.

February 3, 2002 Shallena and I became one.  Since that day we have shared life as a family in all of its joy and woe.  I thank God for you, Shallena.

Several months after our wedding, we took a five week “honeymoon road trip” which took us to the Rocky Mountains.  Wyoming had gotten under my skin, and I wanted to show it to my new bride.  I showed her the snow-capped Wind River Mountain Range in Northern Wyoming, and it was not long until we were in it.  We had planned a five-day backpacking trip, and it promised to deliver a memorable experience.  Our first day of hiking was rigorous.  We packed our bags, started plodding up the mountain.  I’ll never forget how she got frustrated with the 13 switchbacks up one of the mountains, and just decided to go four-wheel drive straight up the incline.  At the top, a refreshing breeze cooled the sweat on our brow.  Just around the next corner was Clark’s Creek. 

Now, I didn’t know much about Clarks creek, but as we surveyed it that June day, the water level was high from the melting snow, and it was looking more like Clark’s River.  There were several logs thrown across the rocks making a precarious bridge with raging whitewater underneath cascading down the mountainside.  It didn’t look too good to me – it was unthinkable to Shallena.  I got to work sourcing logs to bolster the viability of our bridge, and finally arrived to what I considered passable.  Shallena wasn’t convinced.  I teetered across with my backpack, put it down, then crossed again with Shallena’s backpack.  Finally, I found a sturdy stick and held it out for Shallena to hold on to.  She slowly started the journey over the raging water.  One step at a time, holding on to the stick.  Gentle encouragement, a little slip, a little fear, a safe landing on the other side. 

Once safely across the river, we hugged and danced, and felt like we could do anything.  Clark’s Creek had become the best one-hour marriage enrichment seminar possible.  Our growing love had reached a new depth in trust and accomplishment.  One small step for the trip, one huge step for the marriage.  We went on from Clark’s Creek to Summit Lake, Porcupine Pass, and finally down the other side of the mountain.  It was our first trip of the sort, but became a defining event for us as we have returned to the Wind River Mountains at least 4 times since to retrace our steps. 

Shallena cried as we drove away from the mountains that had stretched and grown us. 

Then came Medical School and Residency with all of their demands.  “I miss you”.  Her sweet brown eyes fixed intently on mine.  We hadn’t planned on being a doctor’s family when we said “I do”, but God had made it clear we were supposed to go, and Shallena supported me every step of the way.  When I had more reading to do than I had time, she read to me.  I remembered best those long words that she didn’t quite pronounce right...

We went on from the training life in the United States to the working life in Malawi.  It took us a long time to get started in Malawi.  We spent many nights talking until we couldn’t talk anymore.  I will always remember her soft, calm, wise voice speaking wisdom in the middle of the night into my young and immature ears as we faced our biggest challenge yet. 

After returning from our Intern Missionary Year, Shallena was diagnosed with Breast Cancer – DCIS.  I will always remember her response – true to every non-entitled fiber in her being – “Why NOT me?”  She didn’t chafe, didn’t complain, but simply asked God for more time to raise her children, and to work for Him.  Her wish was granted. 

We returned to Malawi with a renewed energy and commitment to the work God had given us to do. 

Then a couple years later the phone rang.  I didn’t want to take the phone call, because I knew what she was going to say.  However, it was better for me than Shallena.  

“Jamie, the biopsy showed invasive ductal carcinoma”.   There were a lot of questions of how an essentially benign and fully treated problem had in actuality recurred and spread.  There had also been concerns about an ultrasound that showed a mass in her liver, and we knew too much to remain in denial. 

We asked the children to play while we sat on the porch with our newborn baby and cried.  Jedidiah saw us, “Mommy, is everything okay?  Why are you crying and praying, is somebody going to die?”

“Jamie, we have to be strong for the children.”  We wiped the tears away, and went in to play a hollow game of UNO.

Later that night as we processed the news alone, we sat and looked at each other through blurry eyes.  She knew as surely as I that this was a malignant diagnosis.  She told me I would have to get remarried because the children need a mom – providing for her family, even in the event of her absence.  I told her I was not ready for that conversation, and asked how she was being so even and composed about the whole thing.

“Jamie, when you come to a raging river, and you have no choice but to cross over, you have to take hold of the stick that God is holding out to you and go forward, even if the other side is eternity.”

So, dear friends, here we go.  We don’t know how long this journey is going to be. We do know that it ends in eternity when God has safely carried us across the raging river and wiped these salty tears from our eyes.  Why we have been given this road to walk will one day make a lot more sense than it does today.  But just as Clark’s Creek grew our love and trust in each other from the fear of it, so Breast Cancer is not a fit foe for the grace that God has already shown to our family.   We are taking it slowly, one step at a time, holding on to everything that God has given us to stabilize our stumbling feet.

As I write this tribute to My Love, she is undergoing Lifestyle Treatment at Eden Valley Institute of Wellness.  We have met caring and dedicated staff who have helped to highlight the value of lifestyle choices and simple treatments in the fight against cancer.  We came because Shallena needed some time to recover from a difficult pregnancy, as well as to process the road ahead – we are staying because we feel God has led us here.  We will be leaving Eden Valley in a couple weeks, and plan to stop by Mayo Clinic on the way home to help us with the next step in sorting out other treatment options.

I want to say a deep and heartfelt thank you to all of the friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers who have so generously given to us their love, prayers, and financial support.  We didn’t ask for it, but our dear friends the Steeles and Jefferys didn’t really give us a choice in the matter.  The encouraging words you have sent our way have renewed our strength day by day, and you have lifted the financial burden we would otherwise be bearing.  We have felt God’s divine love in the overnight community that you have become for us.  Thank you for your love.  Thank you for your prayers. 

Tonight, I have one new request.  As many of you may know, there is an undeniable psychological struggle that comes with a diagnosis that is as morbid as Stage 4 Breast Cancer.  We are gearing up for the fight of our lifetime, and there is no looking back.  God is taking us where we have not been, and every step is a new experience fraught with fear and faith.  You have already helped us by your words of encouragement and prayers, and we are eternally grateful.  My request now is if you could also share with us some of the happy memories that you have had with Shallena.  She eagerly reads the messages of support, and in the trying days ahead, those stories will give her strength.  I know not everybody has a story, or is a story teller, but for those who are, I would deeply appreciate your story about the Love of My Life.  It doesn’t have to be long, and if it’s funny, you get bonus points.  For now, I am requesting you post the story under the comments on the YOUCARING page which can be found at

https://www.youcaring.com/jamie-shallena-crounse-577970/update/483702 or on Facebook at Jamie-Shallena Crounse.

Thank you for caring, we thank God for you.